Divorce is hard on families. It is hard on the parents that are divorcing. It is hard on the children. While families find their way to a new normal, it can be confusing for everyone. When do the kids stay with Dad? When do the kids stay with mom? After school care can be different. Routines will be different. The routine at one parent’s house may be very different then the routine at the other parent’s house. Children and teens may feel torn between parents, or feel as if they have to take sides.
These inconsistencies can lead to teens using alcohol and drugs. Teens whose parents have divorced are almost 4 times more likely to use drugs and alcohol by the time they are 14 then teens who come from intact homes and nearly 2 times as likely to have a problem with drugs or alcohol in their lifetime. When interviewed, teens said they began using drugs and alcohol to deal with the emotional strain of divorce, they said it made them feel consistently closer to their friends and help to relieve depression.
The holidays can be a particularly stressful time for teens in divorced families, especially if it is the first Christmas spent apart. The question of who the children will be with on Christmas day and whether or not the traditions will stay the same is often the hardest part. As time goes on, a parent may remarry and add a new parent and siblings to the family which can make things even more complicated.
As a parent, the best thing you can do for your teen is to communicate and include your teen in the planning process. Decide together what traditions to keep and add some new ones. Parents should try to be flexible when deciding on the holiday schedule and try not to pull the teens in two different directions. It is also a good idea to keep your teen busy, that way there will be no time to stray to alcohol or drugs. And, perhaps the best thing you can do for your teen is to pull yourself together. Remember to take care of yourself and don’t show your teen depressed and angry behavior or drink heavily over the holidays. The holidays are a time for family, and spending time with the ones you love. Try to keep sight of that and spend as much time as you can with your teen this Holiday Season.